What is up with men and tongue?
(I'm making this gender specific because I feel like it IS gender specific.)
Look familiar?Rarely do you hear about women complaining because her partner isn't trying hard enough to lick her tonsils.
Nope. It's generally the other way around.
Now, don't get me wrong. I love making out like a high schooler and I'm a champion kisser. Seriously, I'm good. Just saying.
However, I have never been kissing someone and thinking to myself, "Hmm. This is great but I wish he would just put his entire tongue in my mouth. That would make it perfect!" Not once.
And what's the deal with, what I like to call, Fancy Tongue?
This is when a guy has moves. Tongue moves.
Perhaps he is licking your teeth, darting in and out or shifting from side to side like an Olympic snowboarder.
Mind you, I don't want to speak for all women. It's possible that some find this to be creative and much more interesting than the norm.
Me? I'm a sucker for tradition.
The moves, however, are so odd to me. It makes me want to pull back, slap him across the face and say, "Start over. And do it good this time."
Grammar be damned.
But therein lies the pickle.
You can't say anything. Or at least I can't.
More than anything, I want to stop someone from doing calisthenics in my mouth and say, "If you took the tongue from a 9 to a 3, you would be awesome." Most people don't respond well to that, though. I know I wouldn't.
And there's all this bullshit in Cosmo and Glamour about correcting a bad kisser. One piece of advice is to kiss the way you want to be kissed.
Okay, well if men got that concept, we wouldn't be having this problem in the first place.
Another piece of advice is to say, "That's great, but let me show you how I like to be kissed," in a super sexy, come hither voice.
Umm... I can't do that. I'm not sexy. And if I tried, I'd start laughing, the guy would be offended and the date would be over anyway. Try harder, Cosmo.
Is this just me? And is this something that men seem more enamored with in their 20s? Or is it a lifelong commitment to tasting my larynx?
The next time this happens, someone might get punched in the throat.
